miércoles, 9 de diciembre de 2009

Colaboradores IX

Unos chistes.
Ser hombre es un chollo:
27 Razones por las que es un chollo ser un hombre:
1. Las conversaciones duran 30 segundos.
2. Sabes cosas sobre coches y tanques.
3. En las películas los desnudos son casi siempre femeninos.
4. Las vacaciones de 5 días requieren menos de 1 maleta.
5. Las colas en el baño son un 80% menores.
6. A los viejos amigos no les importa si has subido o bajado de peso.
7. Tu culo no es un factor decisivo en entrevistas de trabajo.
8. Todos tus orgasmos son reales.
9. Te dan más crédito por el menor acto de inteligencia.
10. Puedes estar bañado y listo en 10 minutos.
11. Si alguien se olvida de invitarte a algún lado, todavía puede ser tu
amigo/a.
12. Tu ropa interior cuesta 1000 ptas. por un pack de tres.
13. Ninguno de tus colegas de trabajo tiene la capacidad de hacerte llorar.
14. Si tienes 34 años y eres soltero a nadie le importa.
15. Puedes ser presidente.
16. Las flores arreglan todo.
17. Puedes llevar una camiseta blanca a un lugar en el que haya agua que
salpique mucho.
18. Te puedes quitar la camiseta cuando hace calor.
19. Los mecánicos no te mienten tanto.
20. No te importa que no se den cuenta de tu nuevo corte de pelo.
21. Puedes ver TV con un amigo en silencio durante horas sin pensar debe
estar enfadado conmigo.
22. Siempre hay algún partido en la tele.
23. La gente nunca echa miraditas a tu pecho cuando le hablas.
24. Puedes pasar a visitar a un amigo sin que piense que quieres rollo.
25. Puedes comprar condones sin que el de la tienda te imagine desnudo.
26. Si alguien aparece en una fiesta con tu mismo jersey, puedes llegar a
ser amigo suyo.
27. Que no te caiga bien una persona no significa que no te guste echar un
buen polvo con ella.
¡¡¡Y LO BUENO ES QUE SON TODAS CIERTAS!!!!

¿Alguna vez se han planteado cómo nace un pueblo?
Pues muy fácil. Llega un tío a un desierto, pone un bar, y alrededor
empiezan a construir casas. ¡Por lo menos en España!
La prueba es que en España hay pueblos sin escuela, sin ayuntamiento, sin
farmacia, sin cuartelillo... Pero sin bar... ¡Ni de coña!
Claro que, por lo menos, allí es donde te dan más cuartelillo...
¿Y saben cuál es el motivo? Que en los bares podemos hacer muchísimas cosas
que no podemos hacer en casa.
En un bar puedes tirar al suelo las cabezas de las gambas... Tíralas en
casa y verás la que se lía... En el bar tiras las cabezas de las gambas y
las tapan con serrín. ¿Que se cae una cerveza? ¡La tapan con serrín! ¿Que
se cae un borracho? ¡Lo tapan con serrín! ¡Será por serrín! Otra cosa no,
pero en un bar hay más serrín que en la tumba de Pinocho.
Sin embargo, hay otras cosas que haces mejor en casa que en el bar: ¡mear!
Para entrar en el baño del bar tienes que hacerlo con katiuskas. Claro que,
de vez en cuando, se pasa el dueño y echa en el suelo un poquito de serrín.
Pero es que la taza también está guarra, porque nadie tira de la cadena...
Y estoy seguro de que si en un bar tiras de la cadena cae serrín.
El bar también sirve para quedar con los colegas. Porque mi casa es tan
pequeña que sólo cabemos tres (y sin el móvil) y, claro ¿dónde vas a quedar
si no? ¿En una ferretería? ¿En la farmacia? ¿Y que vas a pedir, tres
chupitos de Bisolvon y dos lexatines? ¿O en la Iglesia? Y eso que...
pensándolo bien... una iglesia es lo más parecido a un bar... Hay un señor
detrás de una barra, vino, música, gente... y a veces hay hostias... Y los
domingos, a la hora del aperitivo, los dos sitios se ponen hasta el culo.
Eso sí, en los bares hay más buen rollito que en la Iglesia... Porque
mientras que en la Iglesia pasa un tío con una panera para que sueltes
algo, en el bar discutes por pagar. ¿Dónde más pasa eso? ¿En la Comunidad
de vecinos? ¿Se imaginan que discutiéramos por invitar en la Comunidad de
Vecinos, por ejemplo?:
- ¡Chssst!. La parabólica la pago yo.
- Pero si tú ya pagaste la caldera...
- ¡Qué más da!... ¡Si no vamos a salir de pobres!
Y otra cosa: tu casa ¿cómo se llama? Pues "tu casa" o como mucho "4º-c" ¡Y
anda que no hay "cuartos ces"! En cambio, los bares tienen nombres
fascinantes: El Bar-Bitúrico, el Bár-Bara Rey, la Tasca-Breao. Yo debo
PELAS en todos, pero en donde más debo en el Bar-Clays Bank.
Eso sí, en un bar, lo más importante es el camarero. Los camareros se
pueden dividir básicamente en dos tipos: el camarero ÁGIL... y el
AGIL-ipollado. El AGIL, según entras por la puerta, te limpia la mesa, te
acerca el servilletero, te pone una caña y te dice:
- Van dos cero, pierde el Madrid, ha bajado el índice Dow Jones y el
político menos valorado es Mayor Oreja... ¿te pongo una de oreja?
El AGIL-ipollado se reconoce porque parece que esté saliendo de la
anestesia: ni te oye, ni te ve. Tú le estás haciendo señas, como si
estuvieras aparcando un avión, pero el tío pasa por tu lado sin mirarte,
como un médico de la Seguridad Social. Que entras por la mañana, y cuando
por fin te hace caso...
- A ver. ¿qué va a ser?
- ¿Que qué va a ser...? ¡Dentro de nada de noche, huevazos!
Pero donde el bar alcanza la gloria es cuando hay partido. El bar es el
TEMPLO DEL FÚTBOL. Antes había unos carteles en los que se leía:
"Estupendos berberechos", "Tenemos nécoras deliciosas". Ahora no, ahora
ponen: "HOY: DEPOR-REAL MADRID..." Y en todo el día no se habla de otra
cosa... Nada más entrar pides una caña y el camarero te dice:
- Morientes tiene osteopatía de pubis.
Y ésa es la gran diferencia entre el bar y tu casa: nunca se discute por el
mando. En el bar no hay zapping: si hay partido, se ve el partido; si hay
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The sandal is a type of christian shoes, which has been with us since ancient days, the staying fingers and additional parts of the foot shown. In Andalusia, Mexico and other Latin American places is also described as "flip-flop." In Chile they utter "chala". Other varieties of flip flops are the "flip flops", "sandalias" (Balearic origins, composed of a strip of skin on the jeep, and another one could be inserted either on the jeep or back heel) or [url=http://www.christianlouboutinshoessell.com]louboutin[/url], of Mexican beginning.
Just how much do you are aware pertaining to the progress of the [url=http://www.christianlouboutinshoessell.com]christian louboutin[/url]?

LV Shoes esparto or V millennium BC C. encountered in Spain ,christian louboutin flip flops are normally utilised in the hot months or the seashore, there are a selection of colorization and types, as style. In Europe and North America are used by both equally men and females, whereas in South America, their utilization is restrained to the women attendees (although in some states of this region there usually are athletic shoes created for adult men, which are put into use as casual [url=http://www.christianlouboutinshoessell.com]louboutin sale[/url].)

Up-to-date sandal

In frigid environments, louboutin footwear, are pretty much solely used by women of all ages who have offered this footwear the reputation of "star" of vogue, by adding a heel. Consequently, the slipper is currently associated with womanly luxury, and can be viewed in the course of the year, at the foot of the ladies when they go to gala events.

Relating to fashion professionals, the sandal is In this modern time,sandals are popular amongst the ages of almost all people mainly because they are very fascinating for women, trendy for working stuffs,more comfortable for the elderly to [url=http://www.buy-christian-louboutin.com]buy louboutin sandals[/url]. Since it is growing hotter and hotter, a broad seleciton of sandals have been released into the marketplace. Lots of of them are highly captivating and stylish, you can not help fall in love with all of them,especially girls and stylish ladies.Nonetheless,extremely several people already know the evolution of the very [url=http://www.christianlouboutin-store.com]christian shoes[/url]. that very girly, to be used specifically not including socks. Should differentiate between "Chancla" or "Chancleta" of the "sandal", since the former are used every day and "between" house "while the sandal alludes to get louboutin, this is applied for the most part for distinctive events, get-togethers, conferences, workplace, for theirt substances are much better. The sandals are now a trendy item rather than first attempt. This can be accomplished by hand or produced from distinct fabrics.

For example:

knits (Crochet, Macrame, Tunisian, two needles)
jute, material and other woven fabrics
leather
materilas fabricated (tapes)
carton cardstock and derivatives
timber strands of banana leaf or comparable (sisal)

Moreover,relating to the creators in [url=http://www.christianlouboutin-store.com]christian louboutin store[/url], the sandals are of 5 major components:

1, the shoe blazon is informed relating to ergonomic. Shoe physique is variable as well as favorable for an assortment of panic for the visitors;
2, it is light in weight, flexible and also possesses ideal shock absorption;
3, sole is authentic valor and abounding of potency;
4, there is sufficient amplitude for shoes or boots;
5, mold, odour resilient, breathable, watertight, damp assimilation, quick-drying are all its figures. Hardly any quantity in assisting or acreage circumstances, and so forth, there is absolutely no trouble.

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